So I’m sitting in Pret’s munching on my Posh Cheddar & Pickle Baguette…
when the conversation on the next table gets me triggered…a woman is talking to her friend about feeling nervy as she contemplates reducing her hours.
Gosh, it took me back to the time I was a carer and made the decision to go down to a 4-day week. Life had thrust upon me this new role that I was ill-prepared for.
Silently feeling resentment, it had come at the worst time (as if there’s ever a good time). You see I was a career addict – addicted to work because I knew who to be at work – in a clearly defined role, I thrived in that environment. But to be honest, work was also a secret escape from my personal life which was a hot mess.
Then the resentment brought on the guilt of thinking such thoughts. Could I really be so cold-hearted and selfish?
So I suffered in silence juggling work and home trying to hold it all together until I was at breaking point; feelings of isolation would surface so I decided to go down to 4 days. And that relief took away the pressure cooker feeling.
I have no regrets about being a carer. I just wished I had the courage to ask for support. Carers need support too. And why my C.A.R.E.™ Plan is centred around radical self-care, so you can thrive in life and work (and avoid burnout). The bumps in life are the universe’s way of telling you to put the brakes on. Because you can’t see what’s coming ahead – be it a pile-up or a train wreck.
A lot happens behind closed doors that we don’t feel safe sharing in the workplace for fear of appearing weak or jeopardising that promotion you’ve been working so hard for.
As women, it’s ingrained in us to care for others, especially those from my cultural background. That’s steeped in stereotypes and a sense of duty. And as a fiercely independent woman, I really struggled with being put into a box.
Asking for help isn’t weak it’s a sign of strength.
Just because it’s your duty.
Just because you’re a daughter, mother or wife.
Just because you don’t have a choice.
Just because you love them.
It shouldn’t break you. Don’t lose your sense of self with all the roles you take on.
And if you’re reading this and thinking this doesn’t apply to me, it might one day. The fragility of
life can turn in a moment and life as you know it will never be the same again.
Alice Boardman gave a fantastic talk on the hidden strengths of women carers at the Karren Brady Women in Business & Tech Expo.
And I came across this great article from Gemma Leigh about the SPACE network at PwC – https://www.pwc.co.uk/careers/blogs/ifs-gemma.html that’s worth a read.
Sometimes you don’t want to shoulder everything, you just want to SCREAM!
So here’s your permission to scream.
What struggles are you facing as a parent or carer that’s affecting your focus and wellbeing? Do you yearn for some breathing space and direction on how to navigate things?
Feel free to message me or email me at hellokoser@lifelesscomplex.com and let’s get you some headspace. A problem shared is no longer a problem.
