How do you manage your ego when a goal flops?

As high achievers, we’re always setting goals and smashing them. Going through life like a tick box exercise, collecting the symbolic trophies along the way, and when we don’t hit a goal, we’re usually harsh on ourselves.

At times like these, I fall back on the Nelson Mandela quote… 

“I never lose. I either win or I learn”.

The Goal

Traversing Morocco’s Atlas Mountains on a 7-day trek to summit Mount Toubkal. Did I climb it, no, was my ego bruised, yes.

The Wins

A great group of trekkers, guide and porters, lots of bonding and belly laughs.

Camping under the stars.

Delish wholesome food. 

Jaw-dropping scenery.

Passing Bedouin villages with local children handing out cherries.

The Learns

Keep that ego in check. 

I was surrounded by an experienced crew and fellow climbers who knew better than me. Let others who are wiser lead and learn from them. We all start out as novices before we become experts. 

At one point I was the slowest which made me feel sad (and triggered). It took me back to my school days and PE where I was always picked last…the slow coach who nobody wanted on their team.  

The Fears

First-time camper. I was slightly apprehensive about spending seven days surviving in the mountains, with no creature comforts.  

At one point it got a bit hairy, when I lost my footing! Hanging off the side of a mountain with my trekking pole wedged between some loose stones. The thought crossed my mind, had I been a bit too ambitious with my goal? Was it too big and insurmountable? There was no turning back now.

A Lesson In Humility

The food, the camps and the service we received at the sites along the way was phenomenal! The porters were absolute machines – not only did they pretty much run up the mountains (in sandals) carrying our bags, they then set up camp, made the most amazing meals, and if that’s not enough, when we arrived after a ‘tough day’ climbing they gave us the biggest cheer.

During the times we felt weary under the blazing sun, the cook (who was always last to leave camp) would run past smiling and waving (while carrying the kitchen equipment). Gave us the motivational kick we needed to keep going.

The Big Turnaround 

Two years later I completed a 12-day trek to Everest Base Camp. And reached the summit of Kala Pather 5634m. THIS is how you overcome hurdles, you come back stronger. There is no room for excuses. You just smash it out of the park the next time.

It’s such a great feeling when you achieve a goal. The people you meet, the places you visit, the memories you make along the way.

Guilt-free Emotions 

Your feelings are valid.

It’s ok to feel upset if you didn’t get the outcome you wanted…

…it’s ok to feel envy…

…it’s ok to feel disappointment.

If you’re hurting it’s because this thing matters to you, so give yourself permission to feel the feels. We do what we can to soothe ourselves. It’s our primal nature to protect and survive. So cut yourself some slack.

Owning Your Mental Real Estate

I know it’s hard to let go of things you’ve put a lot of energy into, but it’s part of your evolution. Nothing you’ve done in the past was a waste of time. It led you to this right-now moment.

Your failures will define you more than your successes ever will. Because of the person you become along the way.

Don’t go down the black hole of analysis paralysis. The what ifs. What if I did reach the summit? But I didn’t and the moment had passed. So why dwell on it? 

I’m not just another certified coach waving a piece of paper about, I’m the real deal with the war wounds to prove it. I get you. I am you.

This is why my mindset coaching is so powerful. We look at the obstacles that trip you up from reaching your goals using the 4-step C.A.R.E.™ framework. That shows you how to psychologically set yourself up for success and handle setbacks.    

Takeaway 

All of these things have taught me that it is not the failure itself that we fear, it is the embarrassment surrounding failure, the feelings of abandonment and ultimately “losing face”. I felt mortified telling my friends I didn’t make the summit.  

What mountains do you want to conquer in 2025? 

If you want me in your corner drop me an email hellokoser@lifelesscomplex.com.